I used to get annoyed by Christians. I used to not understand why it was so important to them to tell me about their God. Why couldn't they just leave me alone and let me believe what I wanted to believe? Why couldn't they just be happy with my little, "Coexist" bumper sticker with all the little symbols that represent the different religions? Do they get paid for each person they convert, or something???!! Geesh. Then one day, I got it. Maybe it was because I was just "existing" in my spirituality and not really living -- and somehow they knew. My spirituality wasn't filling me up. I was still lonely...still questioning what my life meant and if my life even mattered, while others thought I had it all together. I was a very lonely soul who put on a happy face for the world around me but inside, I was just getting by.
My Christian friends (and some family members) weren't trying to be pushy about their religion and their Jesus, they truly just wanted me to know what it meant to TRULY live...to be TRULY alive...to be TRULY joyous from the inside out - so much so, that you can't help but tell everyone about the one who changed your life. And once I found out that being a Christian isn't a "religion," but a way of life that leads you to want to follow the Creator who IS love and who loves you more than you can possibly imagine, I started to get it.
My friend was so persistent in wanting to show me the Bible. I felt sorry for her because I thought that for some reason, it was SO important for her to do this -- I was afraid that it was becoming a source of anxiety for her. So, I went to a Bible study, thinking that if I just sat down with her, let her give me her "spiel" and get it offer her chest, maybe she would leave me alone about it once and for all. I'd hand over my 40 pages of my beliefs of Native Spirituality and call it done. Then, we could go on with our lives with her being a Christian and me a Native Spiritualist. Once she saw what TRUE spirituality was, and how faithful and confident I was in my religion, maybe she'd leave me alone about it. Once I politely showed her how the Bible contradicts itself (I actually HAD read the Bible a few times before), then maybe she could see why it was a farce in my eyes.
But that's not the way it all went down. The study actually lasted a few weeks and those little verses I THOUGHT were contradictions, actually were NOT. And believe me...I GRILLED her. I'm not a follower...it's not in my DNA. When I studied the Bible intently, I got to see the true meanings and how much the old and new testaments actually COMPLIMENTED each other (which is quite the feat, being that there are over 400 years between the old and new testament writings, which I found out later). It wasn't a book written by a bunch of old men who sat in a room together playing "Whisper Down the Lane." These books are actually scrolls written by all different people that were LATER pieced together to form what we today call "The Bible." It comes together SO nicely, that it would be impossible for one man (or even a few) to write this "book" in such proven historical detail and accuracy (and even prophecy that came to pass) that we see today. And this is why they say it is the "inspired" Word of God.
Once I realized that Christianity isn't about going to church, but about BECOMING the church to form a body (of believers who follow Christ-Jesus), many revelations began for me. As I saw that God's PEOPLE are the church (not a building), my curiosity was peaked. The physical church (or building) is just a place where Christians come together to meet in one place when they praise God together at one time. It isn't where God resides, however, but a great place to praise Him! However it is also said that "for where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20).
Once I came across those who loved one another (as Jesus says to do...so much so, that they would even DIE for their fellow Christian brothers or sisters as Jesus died for them), I started to get it. Once I started seeing God's love in action in these people, the fire began to burn inside of me. I had to know more. Where did they get their tenacity? Their vigor? Their passion? Their joy? Their quiet strength? Their loving, kind, hospitable hearts? Their drive? Their wisdom? Their rock-like faith and sense of loyalty? I soon found out.
When I became a Christian, my family immediately grew from just me, to millions around the world and a host full of angels ready to fight for my soul when the time was right. I was no longer lonely...even before I met my husband (who I believe, was a gift from God). And now, I know the truth and I'll never go back to where I was before, again. Now, I know what it is like to be that "annoying" Christian who just can't stop talking about Jesus, but sometimes tries to tone it down so not to seem too pushy, until the right time comes for that loved one's heart to open and want to know more...just as I did. When you are filled with SO much joy, you truly just want to share the good news.
When you feel so joyous inside, you just can't help but want to share it with others -- especially the ones you love who you see hurting. When I see friends in pain, I so badly want to take them by the hand and show them my Lord who took me away from all the pain and suffering that was once in my life. I still have bad days occasionally (I AM human), but I'm no longer alone. I know the One who holds me up and carries me, when my own legs cannot stand. I know the One who blesses me day in and day out, even though I am not deserving. I know the One who loves me, despite all my sins and transgressions of the past and some of the present. Now, He walks THROUGH bad days with me and gets me to the other side in one piece, as opposed to me becoming shambles on the floor, like I was in the past. To Him, I am beautiful...always. By Him, I am loved....always. In His eyes, I have a purpose. He has great plans for me, as I know He does for you, too. But just like you can lead a horse to water, only the horse can choose to drink it. I am so very glad I finally chose to drink...after being thirsty due to my own stubbornness, for so long. And now I pant, and long for my Lord and His words of wisdom. "Just like a deer that craves streams of water, my whole being craves you, God." (Psalms, 42:1).
It was lovely spending time with my church family today. It's always so nice to see their faces and hear what is going on in their lives. And it's always a nice reminder that where ever I am on this planet, I have family praying for me...all...over..the..world. And when the day comes that I am no longer in this world and I am called home, the joy will only continue...as I wait for my brothers and sisters to join me, when I go to join those who have gone before me. Life is good now... and forever <3
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