Living in Confident Expectation - Today's Encouragement

I recently had to take a technology break.  I used to be on Facebook every day.  I enjoy seeing how friends are doing, and also posting things from everyday life for family and friends I don't get to see physically who live far away.  I also would use it as a study break to get away for a while, so I could have SOME sort of social experience with others outside of my medical books and notes, while preparing for the boards.  But instead of it becoming a haven, it started to become a burden.  Instead of me taking a BREAK, I would see the problems and concerns of friends and feel the need to "fix" them.

I would see private messages asking for help in different areas, and instead of saying "I can't help right now but I know someone who can," I would feel the need to take on the burdens of others...while trying to move, renovate a house, run a small business, participate on the worship team at church, buy another house, sell a house, be a mom and wife AND study for boards.  Did you notice that "study for boards" was last on the list?

 I finally realized, I couldn't do it all right now.  I TRULY realized this after I failed my first attempt of what some would call the "easy part" of boards.  So, with that wake-up call, I decided to take a break from social media, e-mail, and texts.  I decided to go away from Facebook and e-mail until after July (which is AFTER we move and start to get settled).  Even then, my access will be purposefully limited, as I cannot move on with a VERY important part of my life, until I get over that hurdle (well...3, to be exact...as there are 3 sections of the boards I need to pass to become licensed).  So if you are a friend and you have written me a note on Facebook, I'll be happy to get back to you next month. :)

With that being said, I still have to have an outlet where I can express myself (which will be posted to Facebook, but I am not going to READ Facebook or go on it at all right now, as it will distract me).  I am a writer and an artist -- that is part of who I am.  So, I continue to blog and journal for sanity's sake.  Today after my early morning devotional and prayers, God spoke to my heart through one of my favorite scriptures. I went on to Bible Gateway to then read all the different versions of the same scripture (Isaiah 40:31).  There, you can also read commentary by different authors about the scriptures and what others who have studied them out have to say about them.  Today, I came across John N. Oswald's commentary. His book is called The NIV Application Commentary , where he comments on the scriptures and how they apply to our every day lives.   Here is what Oswalt had to say:

"In 40:27 the prophet anticipates the attitude of the exiles, who will be saying that they are either now outside of God’s vision for them (“my way is hidden”) or else God has given up on them (“my cause is disregarded”). To this Isaiah responds that to think in this way is to have much too low a view of God. He reminds them of who God is in 40:28–29, dealing with the Creator’s endless power and wisdom in the first verse and his wonderful desire and ability to share that power with the “weak” and the “weary” in the second. So he speaks of both the being and the person of God.
Thus, his question in 40:28 is rather incredulous. How could you say such things about God when you know perfectly well who he is and what he is like? He knows your situation perfectly, and he can and will do something about it. The fact is that the most vigorous things in creation (“young men”) cannot keep themselves going. They are not self-generating but are dependent on outside sources for their strength. God is not like that; he is self-generating, and that means he has abundant strength to give away to those who will wait for (niv “hope in”) him.

Here we come back to the theme of trust. This concept of trust as waiting has appeared three times previously in the book (8:17; 25:9; 33:2) and will appear twice more (49:23; 64:4). To “wait” on God is not simply to mark time; rather, it is to live in confident expectation of his action on our behalf. It is to refuse to run ahead of him in trying to solve our problems for ourselves. Thus, just as Isaiah called on the people of his own day to trust God to solve their problems, he calls on the exiles in the age to come to do the same thing. If they are worn out and weary, hardly daring to believe that there is any future for them, the God of all strength can give them exactly what they need at the right time, whether to “soar,” “run,” or “walk.”

I needed this, this morning.  I needed to be reminded that maybe right now I am supposed to walk before I soar.  I try to give myself grace and remember that my learning disabilities might keep me from getting things right the first time, as I take longer to get through test questions -- especially long case studies with multiple-layered diagnoses.  Dyslexia is not very forgiving that way.  I usually have to work a bit harder than most to get over the hurdle known as "standardized testing" as I tend to shine in actual clinical application...that's hard to prove on multiple choice tests when you have to read questions over and over again -- especially TIMED multiple choice tests.  But with God's guidance and reassurance that this is what He wants for me, I know I can do it.  I know God did not get me through all the OTHER tests, just so I could fail this one last hurdle before I can practice the medicine I have sacrificed so much for, in order to learn it and make it my profession.  I know He did not lead me down this long road of sacrifice, long, countless hours of late-night studying, while being a single mom the first 4 years of my studies.  I know He did not help me through a divorce, deaths of family members and friends, my son's medical issues and daily life as I went through school, just to let me fail in the end.  

The hope for me lies in the fact that I know God has a plan for me that not only betters MY life, but the lives of others through HIS works in ME.  I got to see it while I was an intern.  I know I can do it.  I know this is HIS plan. Why would He bring me down this hard, yet fruitful path, just to let me fail at the finish line?  For now, maybe it's just a period of growth.  He wants me to be the best version I can be.  God's timing is perfect.  I have to remember that "fail" does not mean "FAILURE"...it just means, "not yet."  This little perfectionists has to learn to be okay with that.  My pride was hurt a bit, too, I have to admit.  Then I was reminded by my MD (medical doctor) sister-in-law that that test does not determine what kind of a practitioner I am or even will be -- it really only determines how well I can take a timed, multiplication test. She was right.  So, with all of this knowledge under my belt I will now have to focus on being a faster test-taker so I don't run out of time, so I can master this one last hurdle.  She also reminded me that I truly am doing too much right now and that I have to wait until I can truly just focus on this one hurdle -- instead of 4 different ones at the same time.  So for now, I will take a short break as I tend to my family, concentrate on packing and getting ready for the move to a new state and home.

I also have another friend who suggested that maybe I need to meditate more to help my mind focus and give me clear direction.  This resonated with me.  So I started this morning.  My meditation began with prayers to my Lord and Savior, and He, in turn gave me the gift of this passage to share with you as I quietly waited on Him to speak to my heart.  

I know I am not the only one feeling like a "failure" right now.  I know there are others out there who are working hard towards a goal.  Maybe you, too, feel like you just had the air knocked out of you? Maybe you, too, have to ask God to help you focus on what HE needs you to focus on at the moment?  If that is you, know that God will not leave you stranded.  He will deliver you, as He is delivering me now.  Have courage.  You can do it!  I will leave you with one last scripture that was whispered into my heart this morning, along with Isaiah 40:31:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.  For those of you who are His children who put your faith in the Lord, this hope is not just words spoken in the air...they are words of Truth...a promise to those who trust in the Lord.  So be encouraged, just as I was today.  I am not alone on this journey.

God bless you, friends.