Look at our lifestyles, to start. Many of us (adults) have to have jobs to feed our families. Long gone are the 9-5 standard jobs for most Americans. We either work over those hours daily or we are the ones working more than one part-time job, since laws have changed, making it difficult for employers to hire full-time workers due to new pay and benefit regulations. Where one person used to be expected to do a 9-5 job with certain skill-sets in mind, as well as only a finite set of responsibilities, now hours have INCREASED for that same individual at many corporate jobs, as well as the amount of responsibility -- where one person now has to do the job of 2 or 3 people. We go, go, go and many times, work through lunch breaks in order to complete tasks so we can be eligible for the next raise or promotion. Sound familiar? And we are passing these attitudes on to our children. "How so?," you ask. Take a look at how many activities your children are involved in.
You work all day, then get home to rush off to pick up little Johnny at school. Johnny has to be at baseball practice by 5:30 pm. You grab Burger King on the way so he can eat in the car. Don't forget Sally...she has dance class at 6:00 pm. Right! Grab her a burger, too, but don't forget to tell them no onions! You try to get them SOMETHING that is nutritious so you get the apple side (you know...the ones in the package that has chemical preservatives sprayed on them to keep them looking fresh...but you don't know about that -it just looks like an apple to you...good enough...your conscience feels better about it). And those burgers have lettuce and tomatoes on them, right? Ok -- there's their veggies for the day. You also have to be on them about homework when they get home, in case they didn't get the time to do it at the end of their school day at the after school program they attend. There's no time to just sit and talk about their day. Now, this is just MONDAY! You should see the rest of the week! There's piano lessons for Sally and Johnny's karate class 2 days a week...and games on the weekends...etc., etc.
In all of this, when do YOU stop and rest? When do YOU stop to take a break? When do YOU breathe? When do you check in with your spouse to see how he or she is feeling? If you are feeding your body the same way you are feeding your children, not only do you have too much going on, you also aren't getting the nutrients you need. If you are a coffee slugging machine trying to keep up with all of those activities and you have acid reflux and you are wondering why, you might be missing something! Look at your life! If you think all this activity is good for you...good for your family...you are mistaken.
I see children my son's age (7) in 4 different activities a week! You know those families don't take the time to eat together -- especially the ones with more than one child -- when they are all going in different directions and doing different activities.
My son's father and I divorced when he was 2. I am remarried now, so Keoni has 2 families to love and who love him back. He sees his biological Dad and his girlfriend and 2 dogs every-other-weekend. He also sees his Grandma at least one weekend a month. While he's at his Grandma's house, he also gets to see his 4 cousins and Auntie who have been visiting for a while. These are always special, fun times for my son filled with lots of activity and external stimulation. So when he comes home, I like to have some wind down time. We do activities that are specifically designed to CALM and REFLECT...in order to allow him the time and opportunities to process life. He needs this. We ALL need this. In Chinese medicine we would call this balancing the yin with the yang...movement with stillness...inner reflection and meditations with outer movement and doing. Stillness and times of quiet are just as important (if not more) than motion and noise.
I had one patient who had a crazy schedule such as the one I just mentioned above. She had all sorts of gastro. issues, as well as migraines. We looked at her lifestyle, the food she was eating, and the amount of sleep she was getting (and not getting) to try to take the problem list apart little-by-little. She was an "on-the-go" type of gal who hated the idea of silence or meditation. I was able to show her ways of "meditating" that involved movement. I also showed her how to breathe (yes...you read that correctly). A lot of Americans do what is known as "chest breathing," and don't breathe into their diaphragm (a.k.a. "belly breathing). This can actually decrease the amount of oxygen one gets to the body and brain which can cause problems such as: fatigue, headaches, dizziness, palpitations, hypertension, etc. (for a more in-depth description of this, go to my Waleli Wellness site and article here).
So, what can you do, loud, busy, over-worked, coffee slugging American? What can you change?
- You can start with breathing. Seriously...teach yourself how to breath again (go to that link I gave you up above). Choose to turn off the radio when you are alone in the car between dropping off the kids...then breath. Turn OFF the cell phone during this time (I know, I know...you think this is the only time for you to catch up on phone calls, so you use the blue tooth while driving...STOP...take this time for you). This is just for starters.
- Then, start looking at your children. Do they know how to sit in a room WITHOUT the tablet...without the ipad...without a phone...WITHOUT a t.v. or X-box? Can they have a conversation with you about their day? Before you can teach them to appreciate silence, you must be able to do the same -- start with YOU.
- This does not mean you have to learn how to sit in a room with your knees crossed while chanting "o----hhh---,mmmmm." Hey, if that floats your boat then by all means, do it. But for me, it can even be moving meditation, like walking or hiking out in nature. Use this time to clear your mind while truly breathing. Pay attention to how your body feels. This kind of meditation has a few benefits. You can also get your vitamin D (you really need at least 10 minutes a day that you can ONLY get from the sun...not a pill). This is known as vitamin D3. It also helps with depression and low moods. That 10 minutes should be obtained WITHOUT sunscreen. So if you plan to walk longer, you can put your sunscreen on after. If you buy a supplement for vitamin D, the D3 version is the best (click here for detailed vitamin D info.).
- Start PLANNING meals that are nutritious and stop making the "quick and easy" trip to Burger King. This will take some getting used to and COMMITMENT but in the end, you will be glad you did. As you start to eat healthier diets, you will notice more energy in both yourself and your children, as well as less down time due to illness. Make grab and go bags that you get ready the night before. You can put frozen peas in ziplock bags and they will be ready for the next day. Along these lines, limit your sugar intake. If you do have to have sugar (i.e. in coffee or tea, for example) use REAL sugar, honey or maple syrup...just remember that less is best! If you are diabetic, talk to your doctor about the best options for you (I hear that Fifty50 is a good low glycemic fructose granulated sugar). For more detailed info. on healthy diets, contact Waleli Wellness for suggestions and a review of your current diet.
- Tell yourself that it's OKAY to relax a bit and to allow for down time. It is not only ok, it's ESSENTIAL to stave off burn-out -- both for yourself AND your children. You might not want to yank them out of their 4 activities right away, but when it's time to sign up for next season, maybe have them pick their favorite, as opposed to 4...just something to consider. By doing this, maybe you can substitute some family time, instead. You might even get to all eat at the dinner table again...remember that ancient thing that sits in your dining area? :)
These are just a few suggestions. If you REALLY are having a hard time understanding these concepts, take a vacation to Norway or Sweden. Show them you can be more than a "loud American" and that you are willing to learn how to enjoy the silence...if you can do that for starters, they will welcome you, most assuredly. :)
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