So, last week, my hubby and I had just finished having a lovely dinner out for my birthday. It was the perfect evening. We decided to stop off at 7-11 to get a movie from the Redbox machine. We had a coupon...purchase one, get one free...the total cost was like $1.67...beats the movies by about $20 some odd dollars (with popcorn, soda, etc) AAAANNNNNDDDD we got to snuggle in jammies with comfy blankies . Anyway -- that's a side tangent. I'm getting to the point in a moment.
The hubby got out of the car to get the movies we wanted from Redbox. As I waited in the nice, warm car enjoying the afterglow of the delicious dinner I had just enjoyed, I noticed a woman talking on the pay phone next to the Redbox machine. There was a family in front of my hubby, so he had to wait his turn before he could purchase. Because he had to wait a bit, he had time to witness the woman on the pay phone. His turn came, and he stepped up to the Redbox machine.
I sat back, enjoying the warmth of the car and listening to the radio. I then looked up to see if my hubby was almost done. My attention then turned to the woman at the pay phone again. I noticed she was smoking a cigarette as plumes of smoke went up into the air and over towards the Redbox machine. I immediately thought, "Ugh...I am so glad I'm not breathing that stuff. With all the knowledge we have today, why does ANYONE smoke anymore? And the cost of those things...to buy something that is basically like a nail in your coffin...and to pay that much money to help pay for your own death? Some people are just idiots. My poor hubby has to breath that stuff right now. I hope he hurries up so he can get out of there." These were my thoughts that flooded my mind and my heart in a matter of seconds. There were other thoughts, too, but I am ashamed to say them...something to do with the fact that people in my neighborhood seem to be very caught up in drama, gossip and being part of their own demise by getting involved in the drug scene. All these thoughts flew through my head in a matter of milliseconds.
Then, my hubby began walking towards the car. "Finally." I thought to myself, "get him out of there." When he got in the car he said, "See that woman at the payphone?" I replied, "Yes," thinking he was going to say some of the things I had been thinking or that he was going to complain about having to be downwind from her cancer-causing habit for so long. "She seems pretty upset. Should we see if she needs help or if she needs a ride?"
Sometimes I secretly think that I am the soft-hearted one of the family. I am the one who cuddles the dog...I am the one who mediates between the hubby and son when they are getting on each other's nerves...I am the one who is tender and feminine (at least in my OWN head). I realized at that moment, that it was my HUSBAND who was being the 'good' Christian at that moment. I had been filled with so much judgement for this person I didn't even KNOW standing at the pay phone, puffing on her cigarette, that I looked right passed a possible need...a person who was crying...a person who was suffering...a person who needed me to be more like Jesus and less like a Pharisee.
At that moment, I felt ashamed of my thoughts. I felt the conviction of God...by a God who is ALWAYS gentle with me, but will hardly ever let a teaching moment go by to make me a better person...or to REMIND me that NONE of us are "good"...that we are ALL in need a Savior to pull us out of our sins. I might not be a murderer, or outwardly mean, a don't litter, I don't lie, I don't cheat or steal, but I....AM....A....SINNER. The thoughts I had about this stranger started out with just curiosity...but led to judgement. I had NO idea what she was going through or why she was there at that pay phone that night. My heart then softened as I noticed my sometimes grumpy husband turn into a man full of compassion...something I lacked that evening.
The woman then hung up the phone and began to walk into the 7-11 store. I told the hubby, "I'll be right back." A voice inside my head (which I believe was the Holy Spirit) said, "Go...go talk to her. Ask her if she needs a ride...if she needs help." So, I did. She was standing in line, trying to keep it together. I felt awkward at first, going up to a stranger and not knowing what to say, so I asked the Holy Spirit to put the right words in my mouth. I then asked her if she needed help or a ride and she began crying profusely. She was shaking. I reached out and hugged her and just held her for a bit...smoke smell and all. I embraced her and told her, "It's ok. It's ok. I know you don't know me, but I promise you that you can trust me. If you need a ride or help, my husband and I will be glad to take you wherever you need to go. Just tell us what you need. My husband was getting a movie from the Redbox machine and noticed that you were upset. We both decided we wanted to help you. Why don't you take a moment to collect yourself, and then come on out and let us know if you would like a ride. I will wait outside, okay?" She nodded her head. She kept apologizing for crying and I told her, "Hey...it's ok! We all have our days...I know I do! I used to have a lot more...but now, life is pretty good. But I remember a time, when it was really, really hard. There were people along the way who helped me out...and a God who made sure I came out on top in the end. So, when I see a person in need, I want to pass on all the help that was given to me. This is what my God would have me do. I'll wait outside for you."
A few seconds later, she came out. " I would like a ride. I don't live far." I introduced her to Mark as she got in the car. I then gave her my cell phone to call her brother. As we rode to her house, she told us that she had just moved to this area. She said she was having a hard time and that she hated it here and was hoping things would get better. She also said she has children. We never found out why she was so upset or what had happened, but that wasn't as important as was just helping a woman feel safe, and getting her where she needed to go, in order for her to feel better about her situation.
She then said this, as if the Holy Spirit told her to do so, "I am sorry for the smoke...I have anxiety really bad and when I get really stressed or feel anxious, I smoke. I know it's a bad habit, but it helps to calm me a bit." At that moment, I felt even more ashamed of myself and my previous thoughts. I heard my Father in Heaven say to me and to my heart, "My dear one...my daughter...do you see? You never know the situation a person has come from, what they are going through, or where they are going...but I do. Don't judge...just love...and I will take care of the rest." At that moment, it took every ounce of my being NOT to break down and cry. God allowed my heart to soften, and I was convicted.
As we dropped her at her door at a trailer park not too far from our house I asked her, "Do you feel safe? Are you going to be safe at home?" as I wanted to make sure she wasn't going home to a domestic violence situation. She replied, "Oh, yes...I'll be fine here. Hopefully, my brother will be coming home soon." She was so appreciative. She asked if there was anything she could do for US. So I told her, "Yes...if you want to, you can pray for my husband and I. Prayers are always appreciated...and we will pray for you, too. What is your name?" She told me her name and then told us that we are welcome at her place ANY time.
I told her that we would pray for her. She said good-night with a "God bless you," and we parted ways. I learned a lot that night...on my birthday celebration evening. I was reminded of days when life for ME was hard. I was reminded of strangers who helped...like the time I fainted in Boston in the middle of the street and a kind police officer found me and took me to the hospital. He could had said, "Look at that drug addict in the middle of the road," and kept going. Now mind you, I've never done drugs in my LIFE, but it's possible that it LOOKED that way, due to my condition. He could had ASSUMED that I was some crack head, due to the neighborhood I just happened to be in at the time when I blacked out from exhaustion, stress and malnourishment. This is only ONE time where I was given help by a stranger when I really needed it. There are many others...and that night, God reminded me as faces flashed through my mind...faces that HE used...hands and hearts that HE used to keep me safe. He GENTLY reminded me of His grace, His mercy and His provisions for me...even before I knew who He was.
The moral of the story? Don't smoke or Roseshel will judge you harshly. Kidding. No...the moral is, perception is EVERYTHING! Open your heart and devote your life to the ONE thing that God says is most important....LOVE ONE another!
I end this note with these words of wisdom from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who is the author of my soul:
(copied over from my Facebook Notes section in January, 2015)
1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)
"13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Be well, and God bless you, my friends. <3
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