I recently had to forgive someone in my heart who has held a grudge against me for years over a rumor...for things I never said or did. I had told this person how sorry I was for hurt feelings or pains this person had carried in their heart due to these rumors of the past from when I was just a young girl. I am sure I did some stupid things and said some stupid things as most of us do when we are young, but the things this person proposed I said and did were not among them (** side note** my husband likes to joke and say that our brains our just not fully developed yet as young ones and therefore, we WILL do stupid things...it's not a question of if we are going to do them, it's a question of WHEN)! HAHA. I think he is right.
So, I found myself apologizing AGAIN and again for this person's pains and I told this person I did not do the things they thought I did. But to no avail, this person did not and does not believe me. At first, this angered me, and I was very hurt that I had to keep defending myself, due to the fact that this person did not believe me. "I have no reason to lie!" I thought to myself. "WHY must I keep going over this again and again???" But recently I came to the conclusion that I can only control MY actions...MY truths...MY convictions...MY thoughts...not that person's thoughts, misconceptions or actions. I cannot make someone believe or act a certain way, just like that person is not responsible for my actions or how I feel about a situation. Once I realized this, and after much prayer, God freed me from being angry about a situation I cannot control -- about a situation that was not my fault, but that I just have to learn to accept. And so now here is the moral of this story -- if you are honest, if you truly try to make amends with someone who feels you have wronged them, if you ask for forgiveness for their pains (whether you truly caused them, or not) and they cannot forgive you, then it becomes an issue between them and their God...no longer your burden to bear. God knows ALL things, even when we do not. Rest in God's power. Rest in God's provisions. Rest in God's solutions.
God says in Matthew 5:44, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
God also says in Proverbs 19:11: "A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense."
and in Luke 6:27: "But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,"
But God also tells us that we don't have to stay around people who continue to bring you down or defile your character. You don't have to stick around and take physical, emotional or verbal abuse. It is God’s desire that we “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). So this is where I try to live...away from anger, while making it a habit of praying for that person. That person's actions do not have to dictate mine. **However** if you know that a person is going to PROVOKE you to anger, if that person does not practice God's way of "encouraging and building each other up" in love, then my advice to anyone dealing with a person like this (or trying to deal with your OWN emotions that are not yet secure), it is ok to stay away from that person until you know you are beyond that behavior.
A pastor who was counseling me once gave me some great advice. It was suggested that I forgive that person, yet stay away from him or her if I felt too vulnerable -- if I felt like I might not be able to control anger, when not treated with respect or love. Until those wounds are completely healed, with the help of God and the Holy Spirit, there is nothing wrong with protecting your heart. As a matter-of-fact, the Bible recommends this in Proverbs 23 where it says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." If you know you are going to be put in a situation that sets you up for failure...that will allow your heart to sin...that will put you on a slippery slope where anger prevails over love, avoid it, until you KNOW that you can do all things in love.
For Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ Jesus." This means someday you CAN get there...to a point where hurt feelings are put aside and you can face this person in love, but you must ALLOW God to transform your heart. For it also says in Luke 6:45: "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
I pray that only good will come from my heart concerning this person, instead of anger and hurt, but I have to admit that I have had to pray A LOT about it. God will get me there, and the Holy Spirit will guide me. It's okay if it doesn't happen overnight as sometimes transformation is a process...MOST times, actually! The forgiveness is already there, and there is peace in that. It's praying that the wound STAYS healed that is the hard part. The key to remember is this, friends -- YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE ACTONS OF OTHERS, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS OTHERS. So in this, I rest. Even though we might not have the answers, God does. And in the end, God knows the truth...and that is what is important. <3
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