The Power of a Dream; Be Encouraged, Christian

I've been going to a school of some sort since I was 5. My first area of study ions ago at Bradley University was in diplomacy,  international relations and cultural etiquette (dinosaurs were still roaming the earth then). I was lucky enough to get an academic and athletic scholarship to pay for my tuition (but not room and board). So, I had to sneak a job on the side to pay for living expenses and room and board (since scholarship athletes were not allowed to have a job -- their sport was considered "their job"). Anyway, that's a side note.  

My intention back then was to become a U.S. diplomat. International politics was my passion. I grew up in a time when the Berlin wall was still standing. "We Are the World" was a theme song of my youth. The Soviets and the U.S. were in a power struggle and the possibility of a nuclear war loomed over our heads. My mother couldn't understand why I wanted to go "save the world" instead of saving our own poor people on Indian reservations at home. "There is much work to be done here," she would say. But I also felt that if a nuclear war happened, Native reservations wouldn't really matter anymore, now would they? For some reason, I felt at that time that I wanted to take on the bigger fish abroad. I wanted to be a representative for my country abroad and elsewhere -- to be a representative for Native people, as well, and bring recognition to their plight THAT way since our own government never seemed to care about us (the Natives of this land). I wanted the world to see that not ALL Americans are rich and spoiled -- that we, too, have our poor inner cities, and Native reservations that more closely resemble 3rd world nations. But as a young hopeful and dreamer of big dreams, I could not see at the time what my wise mother could see -- far away places just seemed more enticing to me. It was all National Geographic's fault with their colorful pictures of exotic places (I have every magazine that they ever printed -- they're all on disc now). She could see that many times, we can have a greater impact if we all concentrate on our own neighborhoods, as those are the places we know best. But I think I was just trying to get away -- from myself and from places of pain that existed more in my subconscious mind, at the time.

I look back at those times of naiveté and realize that my intentions were good. I was recognized at my school for my efforts with the model United Nations and was chosen by my school and the state of Illinois to study abroad for a year at the University of Budapest (Hungary). I was so very excited. My career was about to begin and my dreams of "saving the world" could unfold. Then my dear mother died. I left school to recuperate. I tried to get back on my feet, and returned to a different college in Massachusetts (University of Massachusetts) to study neuroscience and psychology. Then my sister was murdered 2 yrs. later. I was crushed. I was a broken soul for a while...wandering day-to-day and fighting just to get of bed in the morning. I looked to my first love -- music -- to pull me through. I married a beautiful man at a time that I should had not -- as I was still grieving many things in life...including the loss of my mother (and my father who I had not spoken to in years at that point). I was completely alone with no one to turn to. That marriage did not last, because depression took its toll. It is so sad how depression can ruin beautiful things. I did not yet know God, but He knew me. I believe He grieved for me as he watched me make bad decisions and hurt innocent people (like my ex-husband) who only wanted to love me...but I did not know how to be loved, at the time. I was so very lost and hurting deeply, even though people around me could not see it. I once had a dream after my Great Grandma Chavis died. I was still a young girl. Jesus came to me with my Great Grandmother next to Him. His feet never touched the ground. He hovered in the air, which glowed around Him like the glow one sees from the magnificence of the rising sun. My sweet Grandmother looked so very happy and healthy. I had never felt so much love in my life...I didn't want to leave the light that bathed me in that dream. I didn't want to wake up...ever. When I did wake up, I remember feeling so blissful...then sad to see that it was only a "dream" and that I had to go back to reality. I never forgot that dream, because in fact looking back, I don't believe it was a "dream" at all. It was more of a vision, even though I was asleep. It was a seed put in my heart to save throughout my lifetime so I would someday come to know who my Father and Creator is. It wold be a dream that kept me returning to the questions of, "what if there really IS a God and his name is Jesus?"

I wasn't a Christian then. My Great Grandmother was a Christian, my parents professed to be Christians and I knew OF God and Jesus, but I didn't really know at that point, what it TRULY meant to be a Christian. I had seen and known many things in my family that were not very "Christian-like." I had been baptized at my Great Grandfather's church when I was younger than my son (who is 8), but I don't believe that really counted. Why? Well...because I didn't understand what was happening. All I knew was that I was getting a new dress and I was going to be immersed in some pool at a church and that a bunch of people were going to get really excited about it. Then, I'd get to go out to eat and have ice cream after. Exciting for a little girl? Sure. But truly a profession that I love Jesus and want my sins to be forgiven? Not so much.

So, I went through years of heartache, brokenness and depression. Life brought some REALLY tough events my way. Events and trauma from childhood that my mind had suppressed came back to me as an adult. For years my depression haunted me. The mind is a powerful, beautiful thing -- but can also be the root of one's downfall if filled with tragedy. It amazes me how the mind has the ability to lock certain traumatic events away until a person is old enough to handle the full impact of what has happened to them. A pattern of evolution? I think not. A pattern of intentional design by a magnificent Creator? More likely. The more I study anatomy and physiology for my current occupation, the more I can see it.

I was repeatedly molested as a child by 2 individuals. Both of these people were not strangers -- they were known by my family...trusted by all. But of course, no one in my immediate family knew I was being molested. My brain locked out these memories until my 20's -- when one day they VIVIDLY came rushing back. The shock and trauma put me in a psychiatric hospital for a week, as I could not stop crying or shaking for days on end. It was explained to me that this was a form of post traumatic stress disorder and my body and my mind were now releasing these memories into my conscious mind. As hard as it was to face, these events made me realize why I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I had always felt like my childhood had been taken away from me, but couldn't explain why. A friend once described me as a happy girl with very sad, soulful eyes. Somehow, he was the only one who could see the brokenness inside. But no one...not even me...knew the full depths and root of that sadness.

I searched for peace through Native Spirituality...through naturalism...through my music...through volunteerism...through education...through relationships with men...but I was always left unfulfilled. But I kept going back to that dream of Jesus I had as a child. Was it just a dream? I can still see His beautiful face. I still remember how I felt while I was with Him for that brief time, and somehow knowing...TRULY knowing... that my Great Grandmother was happy and in a better place.  Since that dream, I have also had dreams of my mother and my sister -- both looking happy and healthy. They gave me hope.

Native people are known to have what we call "vision dreams." It is not uncommon for many of us (especially the women) to have dreams that are what one would consider "visions" of true life events to come, or dreams of events that will shape history . I often wonder if God gave different gifts to different cultures just as He gives different gifts to all individuals, simply because many Native women I have known seem to express this gift. Anyway -- dreams are powerful things. I believe most dreams are a way for the mind to release subconscious thought and deal with stress and even joy. However some, are gifts from God that allow us to see other things in life. Dreams also come to us when we are sleeping and at a time when our muscles are not being engaged by the somatic nervous system. This allows the body to rest and NOT run away when we see something that might in our dreams be scary. Imagine if you were to see an angel in REAL life...imagine the brilliance...the splendor,...yet the SHOCK of it...would you pee your pants in fear? Would you run away and miss the message? So dreams are a much better place for us to be visited, as our human reactions can sometimes cause us to miss the message. :) That's my theory, anyway. Not fact...just theory.

So what is the point of all of these ramblings on this page today about dreams, childhood trauma, depression, growing up, searching, brokenness and hope? I'll tell you. While I was going through those hard times I listed above, I was not a Christian. I knew I believed in A God, but it wasn't the Christian God. For a long time, I felt like the Christian God was a fairytale because of all the horrible things I saw around me while I was growing up. I felt like if there WAS a God, why would He allow all these things to happen (that's a post for another time...the details of that answer are too long for this entry). That question remained in my head for years. The short answer that for those who are Christians will understand but for those who are not will have to research, is that we live in a fallen world.  

This is a world where Satan is allowed to roam and he looks to devour all who are unaware. It is currently Satan's domain until the Lord and His angels return to defeat Satan and his demons once and for all. He and his demons have been cast out of Heaven, but are not forbidden to roam the earth...at least FOR NOW. Does that mean that God is NOT in control? Absolutely not...but it does mean that He is preparing to return to make all things right again and Satan and all those who work for him tremble at the thought, for they know it will be the end of them. Yet Satan, the king and inventor of narcissism, believes he can defeat the King of King, the Lord of Lords and The Great I Am. So today, the small battles go on between good and evil...but the final battle is yet to come. A God of love does not force anyone to love Him but only gives us the opportunity to do so, because He loved us first. The bad things on earth happen because people choose to do them, not because God makes or lets them happen. God is our Creator, but He is not a puppeteer. There is a constant battle going on here. If we could see all of the angels and demons, we would probably all die from heart attacks from the fear and shock of it all.

As I look at the evil in the world today and see things happening around me that I never thought I would see, I am reminded of the scripture that showed up on my phone today (I have an app. that delivers new scriptures to me every morning)...and THIS is what I was reminded of today -- "...I will build my church and the gates of Hell will not overcome it." Matthew 16:18. This was so reassuring to me. God has not forgotten us -- even those how have yet to believe in Him. He loves ALL of His children and is working through those who already know Him, to plant the seeds to build His church. This is not a building, but a body of believers who will fight against evil and spread the love of Jesus.

As I struggled in my life with depression and brokenness, I knew there was light still in me somewhere. I faced my demons in Boston, MA and headed West to start fresh. It was in San Diego, CA that I met a beautiful real-life angel who showed me by example of the life she lived, that there is a God who loves me, and that His son died for me on the cross. Yes! That was the man I saw in my dream so many years ago! THAT was what LOVE felt like!!!  I wanted to feel that again! I wanted to experience that again! I had to know more!

After studying the Bible with her, the faces of devout Christians who had prayed for me over the years came to my heart and mind so vividly -- some of them are now with God in Heaven, while some of them still live today. I saw my Grandma and Grand Daddy Chavis, Grandma Gladys, Grandma and Grandpa Martin, Uncle Roger and Aunt Shirley, The Brown Family, Mr. Kelly (my 5th grade teacher), Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop Spinner (the elderly couple that babysat me while my single mom worked), The Wilhoit Family -- these were ALL people who prayed for me so that some day I'd come to know Jesus...these were ALL seed planters along the way. There were many MORE people I never even met -- people who were friends of friends who were asked to pray for me. ALL of their prayers brought me to where I am today.

I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean in La Jolla, CA in 2003. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the happiest day of my life. When I went home that day, I remember how heightened my senses had become. I began seeing colors I had never seen before. My sense of smell was as if I was pregnant (pregnant ladies, you know what I am talking about...I was like a hound dog). Eventually my sight went back to normal, as did my sense of smell. This time, it wasn't just an act of me going under water, getting wet, and then going out to a special lunch as it was for me when I was a child. This time, the Holy Spirit entered me and I became a new person. This time I confessed with my mouth that "Jesus is Lord" and I asked for my many sins to be forgiven. This time, I was professing to live for Him. I then knew what people meant when they said they were "born again." I truly was given a new life and began to live my life differently. It is hard to explain in words...I could write about it forever and never explain the whole miracle of it all and how much it changed me for the better.

I tell you these things to give you hope, friends. When my mother was a young girl, she got really ill. She ran a hight fever, and then fell unconscious. They said her heart stopped and her pulse could no longer be felt. Friends, family and the doctor thought she was dead. My mother later told me that she was. Friends and family prayed for her continually. Have you heard of that movie "90 Minutes in Heaven?" It has happened to many people...many have similar stories...he is not the only one. My mother told me that she went to the gates, too during this time. She saw family members who had passed on...they welcomed her warmly. She felt an overwhelming sense of love. She was about to enter the gates and the next thing she knew, her eyes were open and she was in a bed with people from Grand-Daddy and Grandma's church surrounding her in prayer. It was not yet her time, but she was allowed to see the gates of which she did not enter. But sometimes even when we SEE the things the Bible tells us about with our own eyes, our faith can still waver. This is why God tells us that to be FAITHFUL without seeing is even more powerful and a blessing, than seeing.  "Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20-29).

Be faithful, my friends. Know that even with all the strife in the world, God is still in control. God might not take you out of a situation, but He will most certainly hold your hand and be with you to get you through it. Why? Because there is still work to do. This place is not your home...you are just passing through. Be encouraged. God bless you and yours. You are loved.

The First Woman's Rights Activist - Jesus of Nazareth

It always amazes me when I hear about "the war on women" in the U.S. and all I can think is, "what war???" There used to be a time when women were only allowed in the kitchen or in the bedroom...whether they liked it, or not. In some countries, customs, religions and traditions, this is still the case. But it also amazes me that even in the places where customs and traditions want to KEEP women subjugated, there are still some honorable men who know the value of ALL human beings. These men today, follow in the tradition of Jesus.

During the time that Jesus walked the earth as a man (7–2 BC to AD 30–33), he came from a culture and society that did not consider women to hold equal value to men. Women could be owned and a woman without a husband who was of marrying age was most certainly considered either a burden to others (such as a widow) or a prostitute. A woman could only be recognized for her merits through her husband. However, Jesus was different than those in his culture and must have seemed like a true enigma to the women who knew him.  He truly cared for women...valued women...respected women...and tried to show others how to do the same.

Today at church our pastor gave a BEAUTIFUL sermon...one of his best, yet. He talked about the things that captivate us. To be "captivated" means for your attention to be held in such a way that nothing else is as interesting or can hold your attention, desire or devotion. But even if something is so very captivating to YOU, the same object or ideals might not be captivating to someone else.

The pastor mentioned how the 12 disciples of Jesus all witnessed His many, many miracles. They were probably ALL amazed at the things they saw Him do. He said that there is that saying that "seeing is believing," however, that saying many times is not true in-and-of-itself. Why? Because even though thousands saw the miracles of Christ, some chose not to follow...whether out of fear for their lives for going with such radical ideas in their day (such as respecting women and loving them and treating them with dignity and kindness), or whether they feared the wrath of the current-day religious leaders or the Roman government -- some chose not to be captivated.

Judas was one of the 12. He saw all the miracles Jesus performed, but in the case of Judas, money was far too tempting. To him, his social standing and lust for money and power was more important to his heart, than everlasting life or the plans Jesus had for all who believed in Him. Judas seemed to love power and prestige and at first, he thought Jesus would bring him these things, is my personal belief. But when he saw that Jesus was not some politician who was only out to gain prosperity and a high rank in society for himself and for those who followed him, but instead fought for the rights of those who no one else would fight for...when Judas saw that the Roman government and the high Jewish priests at the time saw Jesus as a threat, Judas chose the easier road that would give him a personal advantage (or one that he, at least, thought would benefit him personally, at the time). Judas had his heart in the wrong place. No one but God knows why Judas betrayed Jesus -- the only man who did nothing wrong to Judas, other than truly love him. Even as Jesus was dying on the cross He forgave all of those who persecuted Him as He said to the Father in Heaven, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).

Jesus was so far beyond His time. His ideas seemed so radical to those who heard them at the time -- especially His views on women (and children) and how they should be treated. Shortly before Jesus' last days on earth, a man known as "Simon the Leper" hosted a meal at his house for Jesus. Judas and other disciples were at the event, as well. A woman entered their place of meeting, which was considered a social faux pas, if she was not there to serve the food. Jesus was reclining at the table (as this is how men ate around a low table in those days, in Jesus' culture). It was also the tradition to take off your shoes before entering the host's home, as to not bring in dirt and sand from the roads. The woman began anointing the feet of Jesus with (spike)nard from an alabaster jar -- a very expensive ointment that was known to cost a whole year's wage. As she did this, she wept over the feet of Jesus. As her tears hit his feet, she dried them with her hair. Jesus was touched. The others were offended. The event was documented in the Bible in the book of Luke as such: "When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is--that she is a sinner." Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said. Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?" Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven." "You have judged correctly," Jesus said. Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven -- as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 36-47).

Captivated. Many were captivated by Jesus. Many were curious. Others were angered, as they did not want their worlds and antiquated views to have to change. It is sad to me when I hear people say that Christians are so "old-fashioned" when I think of Jesus as being far ahead of his time. He was a champion for woman's rights and the rights of children before there were any laws that protected them! There are numerous examples of how he shed light on issues of the day that needed to be changed -- especially the rights of women and children. So if "old-fashioned" means being in a relationship where the sanctity of marriage is honored, and the man follows God's COMMAND when he says to the husband, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25), I'll take it! If being "old-fashioned" means saving oneself before marriage for one man (and the man for one woman) who will honor, love and cherish as they grow together to truly find out what TRUE love is all about, I'll take it! If being "old-fashioned" means loving a God who understands the heart of a woman, and the value of her strengths and weaknesses as she is the perfect help-mate for the man, I'll take it! Why? Because my Lord and God has captivated me, because HIS love is perfect...even if I'm not. He has accepted me...my faults, my dirty secrets, my failures and my victories...always. I am His and He is mine and with Him, I can never go wrong.

Blessings on you and yours. May you grow to love Him if you don't already know Him...and may He captivate your heart the way He continues to captivate mine each and every day.

http://www.everystudent.com/wires/women.html

Living in Confident Expectation - Today's Encouragement

I recently had to take a technology break.  I used to be on Facebook every day.  I enjoy seeing how friends are doing, and also posting things from everyday life for family and friends I don't get to see physically who live far away.  I also would use it as a study break to get away for a while, so I could have SOME sort of social experience with others outside of my medical books and notes, while preparing for the boards.  But instead of it becoming a haven, it started to become a burden.  Instead of me taking a BREAK, I would see the problems and concerns of friends and feel the need to "fix" them.

I would see private messages asking for help in different areas, and instead of saying "I can't help right now but I know someone who can," I would feel the need to take on the burdens of others...while trying to move, renovate a house, run a small business, participate on the worship team at church, buy another house, sell a house, be a mom and wife AND study for boards.  Did you notice that "study for boards" was last on the list?

 I finally realized, I couldn't do it all right now.  I TRULY realized this after I failed my first attempt of what some would call the "easy part" of boards.  So, with that wake-up call, I decided to take a break from social media, e-mail, and texts.  I decided to go away from Facebook and e-mail until after July (which is AFTER we move and start to get settled).  Even then, my access will be purposefully limited, as I cannot move on with a VERY important part of my life, until I get over that hurdle (well...3, to be exact...as there are 3 sections of the boards I need to pass to become licensed).  So if you are a friend and you have written me a note on Facebook, I'll be happy to get back to you next month. :)

With that being said, I still have to have an outlet where I can express myself (which will be posted to Facebook, but I am not going to READ Facebook or go on it at all right now, as it will distract me).  I am a writer and an artist -- that is part of who I am.  So, I continue to blog and journal for sanity's sake.  Today after my early morning devotional and prayers, God spoke to my heart through one of my favorite scriptures. I went on to Bible Gateway to then read all the different versions of the same scripture (Isaiah 40:31).  There, you can also read commentary by different authors about the scriptures and what others who have studied them out have to say about them.  Today, I came across John N. Oswald's commentary. His book is called The NIV Application Commentary , where he comments on the scriptures and how they apply to our every day lives.   Here is what Oswalt had to say:

"In 40:27 the prophet anticipates the attitude of the exiles, who will be saying that they are either now outside of God’s vision for them (“my way is hidden”) or else God has given up on them (“my cause is disregarded”). To this Isaiah responds that to think in this way is to have much too low a view of God. He reminds them of who God is in 40:28–29, dealing with the Creator’s endless power and wisdom in the first verse and his wonderful desire and ability to share that power with the “weak” and the “weary” in the second. So he speaks of both the being and the person of God.
Thus, his question in 40:28 is rather incredulous. How could you say such things about God when you know perfectly well who he is and what he is like? He knows your situation perfectly, and he can and will do something about it. The fact is that the most vigorous things in creation (“young men”) cannot keep themselves going. They are not self-generating but are dependent on outside sources for their strength. God is not like that; he is self-generating, and that means he has abundant strength to give away to those who will wait for (niv “hope in”) him.

Here we come back to the theme of trust. This concept of trust as waiting has appeared three times previously in the book (8:17; 25:9; 33:2) and will appear twice more (49:23; 64:4). To “wait” on God is not simply to mark time; rather, it is to live in confident expectation of his action on our behalf. It is to refuse to run ahead of him in trying to solve our problems for ourselves. Thus, just as Isaiah called on the people of his own day to trust God to solve their problems, he calls on the exiles in the age to come to do the same thing. If they are worn out and weary, hardly daring to believe that there is any future for them, the God of all strength can give them exactly what they need at the right time, whether to “soar,” “run,” or “walk.”

I needed this, this morning.  I needed to be reminded that maybe right now I am supposed to walk before I soar.  I try to give myself grace and remember that my learning disabilities might keep me from getting things right the first time, as I take longer to get through test questions -- especially long case studies with multiple-layered diagnoses.  Dyslexia is not very forgiving that way.  I usually have to work a bit harder than most to get over the hurdle known as "standardized testing" as I tend to shine in actual clinical application...that's hard to prove on multiple choice tests when you have to read questions over and over again -- especially TIMED multiple choice tests.  But with God's guidance and reassurance that this is what He wants for me, I know I can do it.  I know God did not get me through all the OTHER tests, just so I could fail this one last hurdle before I can practice the medicine I have sacrificed so much for, in order to learn it and make it my profession.  I know He did not lead me down this long road of sacrifice, long, countless hours of late-night studying, while being a single mom the first 4 years of my studies.  I know He did not help me through a divorce, deaths of family members and friends, my son's medical issues and daily life as I went through school, just to let me fail in the end.  

The hope for me lies in the fact that I know God has a plan for me that not only betters MY life, but the lives of others through HIS works in ME.  I got to see it while I was an intern.  I know I can do it.  I know this is HIS plan. Why would He bring me down this hard, yet fruitful path, just to let me fail at the finish line?  For now, maybe it's just a period of growth.  He wants me to be the best version I can be.  God's timing is perfect.  I have to remember that "fail" does not mean "FAILURE"...it just means, "not yet."  This little perfectionists has to learn to be okay with that.  My pride was hurt a bit, too, I have to admit.  Then I was reminded by my MD (medical doctor) sister-in-law that that test does not determine what kind of a practitioner I am or even will be -- it really only determines how well I can take a timed, multiplication test. She was right.  So, with all of this knowledge under my belt I will now have to focus on being a faster test-taker so I don't run out of time, so I can master this one last hurdle.  She also reminded me that I truly am doing too much right now and that I have to wait until I can truly just focus on this one hurdle -- instead of 4 different ones at the same time.  So for now, I will take a short break as I tend to my family, concentrate on packing and getting ready for the move to a new state and home.

I also have another friend who suggested that maybe I need to meditate more to help my mind focus and give me clear direction.  This resonated with me.  So I started this morning.  My meditation began with prayers to my Lord and Savior, and He, in turn gave me the gift of this passage to share with you as I quietly waited on Him to speak to my heart.  

I know I am not the only one feeling like a "failure" right now.  I know there are others out there who are working hard towards a goal.  Maybe you, too, feel like you just had the air knocked out of you? Maybe you, too, have to ask God to help you focus on what HE needs you to focus on at the moment?  If that is you, know that God will not leave you stranded.  He will deliver you, as He is delivering me now.  Have courage.  You can do it!  I will leave you with one last scripture that was whispered into my heart this morning, along with Isaiah 40:31:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.  For those of you who are His children who put your faith in the Lord, this hope is not just words spoken in the air...they are words of Truth...a promise to those who trust in the Lord.  So be encouraged, just as I was today.  I am not alone on this journey.

God bless you, friends.

  

The Annoying Christian and the Lonely Spiritualist

I used to get annoyed by Christians.  I used to not understand why it was so important to them to tell me about their God.  Why couldn't they just leave me alone and let me believe what I wanted to believe?  Why couldn't they just be happy with my little, "Coexist" bumper sticker with all the little symbols that represent the different religions?  Do they get paid for each person they convert, or something???!!  Geesh.  Then one day, I got it.  Maybe it was because I was just "existing" in my spirituality and not really living -- and somehow they knew.  My spirituality wasn't filling me up.  I was still lonely...still questioning what my life meant and if my life even mattered, while others thought I had it all together.  I was a very lonely soul who put on a happy face for the world around me but inside, I was just getting by.

 My Christian friends (and some family members) weren't trying to be pushy about their religion and their Jesus, they truly just wanted me to know what it meant to TRULY live...to be TRULY alive...to be TRULY joyous from the inside out - so much so, that you can't help but tell everyone about the one who changed your life.  And once I found out that being a Christian isn't a "religion," but a way of life that leads you to want to follow the Creator who IS love and who loves you more than you can possibly imagine, I started to get it.

My friend was so persistent in wanting to show me the Bible.  I felt sorry for her because I thought that for some reason, it was SO important for her to do this -- I was afraid that it was becoming a source of anxiety for her.  So,  I went to a Bible study, thinking that if I just sat down with her, let her give me her "spiel" and get it offer her chest, maybe she would leave me alone about it once and for all.  I'd hand over my 40 pages of my beliefs of Native Spirituality and call it done.  Then, we could go on with our lives with her being a Christian and me a Native Spiritualist.  Once she saw what TRUE spirituality was, and how faithful and confident I was in my religion, maybe she'd leave me alone about it.  Once I politely showed her how the Bible contradicts itself (I actually HAD read the Bible a few times before), then maybe she could see why it was a farce in my eyes.

But that's not the way it all went down.  The study actually lasted a few weeks and those little verses I THOUGHT were contradictions, actually were NOT.  And believe me...I GRILLED her.  I'm not a follower...it's not in my DNA.  When I studied the Bible intently, I got to see the true meanings and how much the old and new testaments actually COMPLIMENTED each other (which is quite the feat, being that there are over 400 years between the old and new testament writings, which I found out later).  It wasn't a book written by a bunch of old men who sat in a room together playing "Whisper Down the Lane."  These books are actually scrolls written by all different people that were LATER pieced together to form what we today call "The Bible."  It comes together SO nicely, that it would be impossible for one man (or even a few) to write this "book" in such proven historical detail and accuracy (and even prophecy that came to pass) that we see today.  And this is why they say it is the "inspired" Word of God.

Once I realized that Christianity isn't about going to church, but about BECOMING the church to form a body (of believers who follow Christ-Jesus), many revelations began for me.  As I saw that God's PEOPLE are the church (not a building), my curiosity was peaked.  The physical church (or building) is just a place where Christians come together to meet in one place when they praise God together at one time.  It isn't where God resides, however, but a great place to praise Him!  However it is also said that "for where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."  (Matthew 18:20). 
Once I came across those who loved one another (as Jesus says to do...so much so, that they would even DIE for their fellow Christian brothers or sisters as Jesus died for them), I started to get it.  Once I started seeing God's love in action in these people, the fire began to burn inside of me.  I had to know more.  Where did they get their tenacity?  Their vigor? Their passion?  Their joy? Their quiet strength? Their loving, kind, hospitable hearts? Their drive?  Their wisdom?  Their rock-like faith and sense of loyalty?  I soon found out.

When I became a Christian, my family immediately grew from just me, to millions around the world and a host full of angels ready to fight for my soul when the time was right.  I was no longer lonely...even before I met my husband (who I believe, was a gift from God). And now, I know the truth and I'll never go back to where I was before, again.  Now, I know what it is like to be that "annoying" Christian who just can't stop talking about Jesus, but sometimes tries to tone it down so not to seem too pushy, until the right time comes for that loved one's heart to open and want to know more...just as I did.  When you are filled with SO much joy, you truly just want to share the good news.

When you feel so joyous inside, you just can't help but want to share it with others -- especially the ones you love who you see hurting.  When I see friends in pain, I so badly want to take them by the hand and show them my Lord who took me away from all the pain and suffering that was once in my life.  I still have bad days occasionally (I AM human), but I'm no longer alone.   I know the One who holds me up and carries me, when my own legs cannot stand.  I know the One who blesses me day in and day out, even though I am not deserving.  I know the One who loves me, despite all my sins and transgressions of the past and some of the present.  Now, He walks THROUGH bad days with me and gets me to the other side in one piece, as opposed to me becoming shambles on the floor, like I was in the past.   To Him, I am beautiful...always.  By Him, I am loved....always.  In His eyes, I have a purpose.  He has great plans for me, as I know He does for you, too.  But just like you can lead a horse to water, only the horse can choose to drink it.  I am so very glad I finally chose to drink...after being thirsty due to my own stubbornness, for so long.  And now I pant, and long for my Lord and His words of wisdom.  "Just like a deer that craves streams of water, my whole being craves you, God." (Psalms, 42:1).

 It was lovely spending time with my church family today.  It's always so nice to see their faces and hear what is going on in their lives.  And it's always a nice reminder that where ever I am on this planet, I have family praying for me...all...over..the..world. And when the day comes that I am no longer in this world and I am called home, the joy will only continue...as I wait for my brothers and sisters to join me, when I go to join those who have gone before me.  Life is good now... and forever <3

A Love Note to My Eternal Family

Many months have gone into making our home in California buyer ready, before putting it on the market to sell.  We painted the interior and the exterior, rebuilt the back porch, cleaned up the back yard, added plants for beautification, designed and built a herring-bone patterned, wide brick walkway, and lovingly guided 2 jasmine plants grown from the ground up, into a natural entry-way arbor to make it most welcoming to those who enter what is currently our home.  We also decluttered and added fresh flowers in every room inside, making it most welcoming to those who viewed it.  A lot of work went into preparing the way for something that would someday become someone else's.

Landscaping with the Help of Mike Sencenich

Herb Garden Ready for Showing

As I sit here drinking my coffee and preparing myself for the rest of the day, I began thinking about these endeavors.  I began thinking about where my family and I will be going when we move to our new home, who we will be leaving behind, and what will become of us in our recent future.

Flowers Make All Things Pretty

 In all of this, I came to realize something that I have known all along.  Nothing in life stays the same.  Nothing lasts forever.  Nothing is immune to change, except for God.  In the end, nothing in life belongs to you.  When you die, the only thing you take with you is your soul.  Your body eventually goes back to the earth...ashes to ashes and dust to dust.  Your soul might move on, but many family members and friends stay behind, until their journey (in this life) comes to an end, as well.  Most of us in life do not choose when death will come, as we also do not choose our birth.

This is not meant to sound doom and gloom.  As-a-matter-of-fact, it is the opposite.  The Christian belief is that after baptism, the Holy Spirit dwells in you.  Through prayer and petition, one can use the Holy Spirit to guide one's actions "when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth" (John 16:13a) and to make the choices that are in tune with God's will, thus showing up in one's life as the "fruits of the Spirit."  For those who don't know this concept, the Holy Spirit is sort of like a little voice inside your heart and your head that helps keep you on the correct path in life, in accordance to God's will (Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law").  So the Christian is given this promise that the Holy Spirit will indwell in him/her after baptism.  As we make Jesus the Lord of our life and ask for the forgiveness of our sins and are then baptized in His name, God continues to give us many gifts throughout our lifetimes through His love.  And as we love Him back, the "fruits" show up as we walk with Him.  You will see the "fruits" in the life of a Christian who truly follows (or at least STRIVES to walk) in the path of Jesus.  It is a transformation that takes a lifetime.

The Christian believes that God allows people and events in your life to help guide you in these decisions, if you ask for it.  These are the EXTERNAL forces one can recognize. The Holy Spirit is the guide WITHIN you (this gift from God after baptism), that helps you discern what is from God, and what is not.  The Christian will look for others who also have the "fruit of the Spirit" in them, and seek advisors who they can trust.  When one has the "Holy Spirit," their fruits will show it.  This does not make a person perfect, as we are all sinners, but the person who strives to be like Christ will more-than-likely, be working on listening to that "little voice" (the Holy Spirit) that helps them discern right from wrong.  In this, you will see the fruits in their lives.

These people recognize each other by their fruits (as listed above) and by their faith.  We become a family of believers and we find each other all over the world.  God says that these people become the church.  A church is not a building, but a body of believers.  However, many of God's people meet in buildings that we ALSO call a "church."  But a body of believers can meet ANYWHERE where they come together to praise God.  As it says in the Bible,  "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20).

Praying Over the Colson Family As They Start a New Journey

So what does any of this have to do with selling a house?  Sorry if it seemed like a tangent for a moment, but it is all related.  There were many factors involved in making our decision to move to another state and sell our home.  Some of them were political, some of them were financial, some of them were social, some environmental and some spiritual.  In these considerations, not all categories rated 100% better in one location over the other.  Using discernment and asking the Holy Spirit for guidance, as well as many advisors and signs we feel God put in our lives, ("The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice,"  - Proverbs 12:15; "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed" Proverbs 15:22) we were able to make some hard decisions. Our house was on the market for only 4 days, when 2 offers were made. We prayed and asked God if this was right for us.  The timing was perfect.  We prayed some more. After a counteroffer, the offer came back as we had hoped.  It was no more than our asking price, and no less than we needed.  When God wants to shut doors, He shuts them.  This one, however, swung open widely.  We had been given the green light to go.  And even though we were happy that we had been given an offer on our home, this did not occur without some sadness and knowing that soon we will leave family behind.

Most of these family members are not our kin....not our blood.  However, THIS family is a family we would gladly die for.  These people are people who we believe would ALSO lay down their lives for us, as well, if such a sacrifice were needed.  The thing I had to remember while making our decision to move is that "we are not of this world" (John 17:16).  Our true home is with our Father and Creator.  So whether we live in San Diego, Boise, Philadelphia, Germany, Italy or the United States of America, we will not be truly home until we are in the full presence of our Lord.

With that being said, my Lord and God has plans for me.  He also has plans for my family and we must trust where He leads us and guides us.  I am a woman. I am a healer.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a friend.  I am a daughter, granddaughter, niece, confidant and counselor.  I am a musician,  a lover of nature and all of God's creation.  But most of all, I am just passing through.  And do you know what, my fellow Christian brother's and sisters?  So are you...just passing through.

What gives my heart joy the most is that you are my ETERNAL FAMILY, my friends from First Baptist Church of El Cajon.  When the Garriott's leave San Diego, we will only be saying good-bye for a short time, really.  Our lives will go on in different places, yet we all know that we'll be back together in a place where there is no more suffering and no more pain.  In THIS life, all of you have become our family...and we will continue together into the next.

 

Church Praise Team (Greg and Mark) - Always a Hoot

I remember when I first became a Christian.  I read a scripture in the bible that talked about how the first Christians shared everything and gave away their belongings to help others who had less.  The bible talked about how the first Christians sold property and possessions to give to anyone in need (Acts 2:45).  The bible talked about how they "broke bread" together (ate together) and fellowshipped daily.   I remembered wondering why Christians today were not as it said in the Bible?  Were we too busy?  Too involved in our own lives to get involved in the lives of others?  I was having a hard time finding that kinship among MANY, as the Bible spoke of it.  Sure, I had some Christian friends who I loved and who loved me (thank God for the Wilhoit Family who brought me to Christ and loved me as their own).

From One of the Many Times at the Park "Breaking Bread" and Fellowshipping

But once I came to First Baptist Church, it WAS as it said in the Bible amongst every person I came to know there.  Every color, every shade, different cultures and languages, different socio-economic backgrounds, some with homes and some without--yet we all came together to thank the Lord for our many blessings.  And for those who had/have less, we worked to give more if we could...and helped those find ways to get on their feet again, if they had fallen on hard times.

We did not judge, but loved even those who sometimes seemed unlovable. We truly shared our LIVES with one another and worked to show others the love of Christ who do not know Him...not because we wanted to prove we were right in our beliefs or because we had some sense that God would find more favor in us for doing so (or smite us for NOT), but because we are filled with so much joy that God has given us, we cannot help but want to share God's love with others...and the love of Jesus Christ in our lives!

Information in Arabic, Spanish and English After Our Youth Outreach Event

Even though God commands that we love one another  (Matthew 22: 36-40), it has been a pleasure to do so!  In you, none of you show this commandment as a burden placed on you. And THIS, my dear family and friends, is what I have experienced with you continually: As it says in Act 2: 42-47:

The Fellowship of the Believers

42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

The kids always find ways to share and love one another

 And even though many of you did not want us to leave, you helped us with our goals anyway.  You prayed for us, (Pastor Kevin and Family, Willevers, Cobbs, Clarks, Colson's, Sencenichs, Hayhursts, Gappmeyers, Sers, Bryan Tarr, Beans, Sal and Joyce, Ron and Marsha, Heather Merwin, Northups...and many, many others in God's family outside of FBC and around the world...the Bethoney Family, Brown Family, Willhoit Family, Shay Family, Piotrowski Family, Robyn Grieve, Eastman Families, Martin Families, Garriott Families, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Nieces and Nephews within our family names and natural kin...and friends of friends who prayed in our name, as well).  You helped us prepare our house (Colson's and Sencenech Families, especially) and prepared our hearts.  With this I realize, that our family is truly all over the world, but we will miss our family in California so very, very much.  Our hearts are with you.

And as I end this note, I continue to ask for your prayers as we begin preparing for our journey north. May our plans always be in line with the plans God has for us.  May we always first seek the path God desires, as His plans are always just...always righteous...always good.  I pray for peace, love, joy and happiness in your lives.  May you always know how much each and every one of you mean to us.    May you also know, that we will be together again.  You are our Eternal Family and we LOVE you. Blessings on you and yours.

Political Apathy and Social Injustice - Different Terms, Same Root

"We cannot fight evil, without first identifying it." - Dennis Prager said today, March 3, 2015.  I will add to Mr. Prager's quote with my own ideological twist by saying, "We cannot fight evil, unless we first OVERCOME THE FEAR of identifying it." - (Roseshel Garriott, 3/3/15, inspired by Dennis Prager).

As I ponder this idea, the words of Martin Niemöller, a German Lutheran pastor (who lived during the rise of Hitler and his Nazi party) echo in my heart.  These were his words:

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

These are only some of the dangers of political apathy.  I once heard another analogy that is similar, that pertains to a snake in your garden.  When you see the poisonous snake in your garden, do you leave it be?  Or do you kill it or place it elsewhere....FAR from your home where your defenseless, sleeping child awaits?  Will a poisonous snake stop being a poisonous snake just because you wish it or because you call it by another name?  I think not.

It does not have to be political...it can be social injustices in your own neighborhood or in your own community!

Christian, do not fear getting involved.  God commands it...

Proverbs 24:11-12:

If you falter in a time of trouble,
    how small is your strength!
11 Rescue those being led away to death;
    hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
12 If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
    Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

Take a stand against evil and know you did the right thing...these people did:

http://youtu.be/M8WctCFV0JM

Be well.

Natural Ingredient Vendors for the Discerning Customer

 I am very excited.  So, I have been making all natural products for myself for some time, now.  As friends and patients began to want better alternatives to their products that were causing rashes, headaches, dry skin, eczema, etc., etc., I began researching better alternatives for them, as well -- from lotions, to soaps, to natural make-up to shampoos and conditioners.  I couldn't keep giving things away for free, as it was starting to cost ME money to do so (i.e. had to buy the containers to give away, as well as the actual end-product with all-natural ingredients).  So, now I sell these items as part of my business at www.waleliwellness.com.

One of my issues with my own products, was testing.  If I were to break out in a rash due to too much cinnamon or the wrong KIND of cinnamon in a product, no big deal.  However, I can't sell a product to a customer without the proper testing.  I wanted to make sure the ingredients were safe and shelf-stable, as well as low-bacteria forming.

With natural products, the shelf life is shorter than the chemical laden, toxic counterparts, but for some people, having a better quality of life, living longer with less side effects (or NO side effects) from their beauty or skin care products is more important.   I have been thrilled to find out that there ARE natural alternatives for preservatives (after much research in the late-night hours, I have found them).

There are other companies out there who will also do the research and testing FOR me in a lab on my current products, as well as offer research info. and safe ingredients for me to use in future products for customers.  I now have 2 vendors I trust for myself and for my clients.

On of my vendors says this on their website:  "**Business Name** is a family owned, and operated, wholesale supplier of personal care ingredients and bases.

We offer standard commodities, as well as premium alternatives, for the production, of the full range, of bath, body, hair, and skin, care products with a focus on plant based, natural, ingredients for the production of petro, paraben, formaldehyde, artificial color and fragrance, free products." This company is devoted to helping me make better products for my customer base.  Without people like us, they can't continue to do business.  Without our demand, they will not survive.  Sorry I didn't list the name of the company but you know,  I can't give ALL my secrets away to my competition out there...but I'm happy to pass on the benefits to my customers.

It's amazing how words such as "natural ingredients" can just make my day!  As consumers begin to demand better products for better health, you will start to see health improve.  I truly believe this.  "Organic" wouldn't be so expensive if it was the norm, as opposed to the exception.  I, personally, don't want pesticides in my food...or toxic, cancer causing chemicals in my shampoo...or mercury in my mascara (which is absorbed through the skin and currently in most mascara formulations today).  So for me, I started making my OWN products and being picky about the food I eat.  I feel and see the difference in my body and have even seen the difference in my eczema patients when certain dietary and product changes were made.  These patients, as well as my own personal care needs, were my inspiration to make the products I make today.

It's nice to know I am not alone in this quest for better health and wellness.  What will you choose?